I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
