i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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