Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
