OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
