I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
