Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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