careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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