Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Randomize
