Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
