we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
