She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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