id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
