Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
