I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
