what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
