shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
