Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
