Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
