i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
