You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I deserve to be covered in dicks
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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