No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I will be naked everywhere
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
