I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
