Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
