i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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