You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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