the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Mom said you looked used
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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