The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Hello my rib-scented angel!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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