The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
