dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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