You really coming over, don't trick.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
