dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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