He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
