Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
