i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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