Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
