You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
