3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
