It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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