I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
