i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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