fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
