If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
