hotel room ftw
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
