Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
