dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
