Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
