1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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