I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
only you would photoshop your dick
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
