i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
