we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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