If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
