I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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