the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
