Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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