Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Randomize
