he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
