Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
