I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i think my cat just said my name.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
