I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We left the knife in your bed.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
