i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Randomize
