If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
organizing the empties. That sober.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
