How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
