She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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